Source: When you are sinking, Become a submarine by Pavan Choudary.
First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you and then you win. – Mahatma Gandhi.
Never underestimate jealousy. Face it. Even your best well-wishers perhaps do not want you to do better than them. Few men have the strength to honour a friend’s success without envy. The green-eyed monster can show up in unexpected ways in different situations.
Nicholas Fouquet, Finance minister to Louis XIV, was a well-connected and sophisticated individual and had an ever-increasing, ostentatious wealth. To please his young King, Nicholas threw a party in the year 1691, to which he invited the nobility, great minds of Europe and 6000 friends, including the King and his court. Party favours included “diamond tiaras and saddle horses”; the grounds were dotted by thousand orange trees and the table settings were made of gold.
Although much honour was extended to the King, he was furious and in less than 2 months arrested Fouquet and charged him with Embezzlement. The Parlement found him guilty and sentenced him to exile. However, Louis commuted the sentence to life-imprisonment and also abolished Fouquet’s post. Out of sheer jealousy, he silenced Nicholas Fouquet forever.
In another instant, two men, both seriously ill and bed-ridden, occupied the same hospital room. They were good company for each other.The man by the window could sit up and would describe to the other how beautiful the world looked from his window-how green the grass was, how beautiful the lake was and how merry the children were – a view the second patient wasn’t able to share as his bed was in the other corner of the room. He repeatedly reminded the second patient what a pleasure it was to look out of the window. The second patient got jealouus as he could not enjoy the beauty of the outer world, and his desire for the first patient’s bed grew. He began to brood and he found himself unable to sleep. “I should be by that window,” he thought day after day. That single thought, and that thought alone, now controlled his life.
Late one night as he lay staring at the ceiling, the man by the window began to cough. He was choking on the fluid in his lungs. The other man watched in the dimly lit room as the suffocating man by the window groped for the button to call for help. The second patient could have easily pushed his own button to bring the nurse but didn’t. He was executing his plan. That night the first patient died. The following morning the day nurse arrived and found the lifeless body of the man by the window. She was saddened by his death and called the hospital attendants to take him away. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window.
The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, and painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the glorious world outside that had been so painstakingly described to him. Voila! His face washed with pain as his gaze met a blank wall. There was no park, no lake, no children.
We learn from the first patient that when you brag and make inadvertently make people jealous of you, you end up digging your own grave. From the second patient, we learn that wanting what others have may leave you worse off, as the second patient even lost the company he had.
Jealousy is a natural feeling. It is normal to be jealous. But there are two kinds of jealousies. The white jealousy, which inspires us to emulate the achievements of others, imbibe their values and improve ourselves. The black jealousy that prompts us to be resentful of the achievements of others and embark on a hate trail against them only because they have more than we have. This kind is negative and counter-productive.
Remember, your identity becomes stronger through opposition. Hitler did more to establish strong identity that Jews have today than anyone else by opposing them fiercely. He, unknowingly, crystallised their identity and, in fact, he can be credited with the creation of Israel.
One of the methods, therefore, to handle the salvos of competitors is not to react. It is better to build on your strength than go on a revenge-taking spree against them. Revenge will occupy your time, dilute your power and increase your stress.
To be able to handle jealousy, it is important to know what steps would the jealous employ to discredit you or your idea. First, the idea is ignored. If it dies of neglect, fine. If it doesn’t, it is criticised. If it even stands the test of criticism, then they have to accept it.
When the idea is ignored, don’t quit. When it is criticised, don’t react and your creation will get its due place in the sun.
Also, don’t be instrumental in breeding jealousy by bragging about your riches or lifestyle among the less endowed. Infact, highlight the problems that you face in front of the jealous to reduce their jealousy but don’t overdo it.
A student and a teacher were watching a footbal game. The student asked,” The poor ball gets kicked so badly. Who is at fault, the players or the ball?”.
The teacher answered, “The ball. If it were not so full of air, it would never get kicked.” So be modest, as modesty will reduce the jealous vibes you attract.
Also, shun arrogance. Someone has rightly said that success brings arrogance aand arrogance brings failure. Not only does the arrogant man lose his friends and advisors, he also stops receiving feedback on areas that need improvements.
Practising what has been proposed will help you control jealousy to a great extent, but if you are enormously successful, you may not be able to uproot it completely. Then you can take comfort in the thought that if you worry about the bees, you will never get the honey.
And simply go on doing your work.