If one were to list the reasons for quarrels among couples, it is not money mindedness that would top the list! The Words! Words that dissolve into thin air the moment they are uttered are the main reason for causing bitterness in a relationship between a husband and wife. Just a few words have dragged some couples to courts! Mere words have made many couples to live like strangers within the same household.
Here is a brief tale!
A husband never bothered about the likes and dislikes of his wife. The wife’s reciprocal attitude perfectly suited her husband. One night, the husband had not returned home till midnight. The wife, not worried about him, had long since retired to bed. In the middle of the night, there was a knock at the door.
The wife opened the door. It was her husband. He had brought a monkey along with him. As soon as she saw the monkey, the wife was furious. However, she swallowed her anger and went to bed. He placed the monkey on the bed between him and his wife.
Now she could contain her anger no more!
‘How can you let a monkey sleep by my side? How can I bear this nuisance and nasty smell?’
‘Of course! Haven’t I got used to your foul smell ever since I married you? So, soon this monkey too would get used to it!’ said the husband. These pricking words hurt the wife no end. On the same night, their marital life came to an end!
Here, we have to recall the words of Dalai Lama.
`If the reason for your being born on the earth should be fulfilled, please help others. In case you are not able to help others, at least try not to hurt anyone!
But, what happens in some houses? Husband and wife tear each other apart with their words. It seems strange even to think of it! As the levels of knowledge, skills and abilities of human beings rise higher, the rates of divorce also increases!
What is the reason for this? The answer for this question lies in the meaning of the word `knowledge.’
Well then, what is knowledge? Knowledge does not reside in books. It is visible in the behavior of people. In business management schools emphasis is laid on a subject Interpersonal skills! This subject teaches us how to develop good and healthy relationships with co-workers, superiors, subordinates and clients.
Recently, a reputed University in USA conducted a survey to analyze what are the characteristics of persons who rise quickly in their professional life. Do you know the result of this survey?
For a person to succeed in his profession, 35 per cent subject knowledge is sufficient. But, what is important is, 65 per cent knowledge about interpersonal skills! That is to say, only a person, who knows to strengthen relationships, can surpass any barriers to growth and come up in his profession. If the skills for strengthening relationships are necessary at the workplace where one works for monetary returns, then can you imagine how important they are at home too?
Even if a person has made a mistake, do not tell him, ‘What you have done is wrong.’ On the contrary, help him see what is right rather than make him feel wrong. Even if you have to criticize someone apply the sandwich technique…. place your criticism between praises. There are many communication skills like disarming, pre-emptive strikes, multiple closes, emptying technique …. For example, you Can instantly build a rapport with the other by
• applying warm up technique by asking questions which impress the other…
• using “Me too’ technique to be one with the speaker’s interest…
• avoiding ‘I and Me’ and using ‘You’ more often.
These are the primary lessons in Interpersonal skills. These are suitable not only for the working environment, but also in intimate relationships.
Today, in many houses, the relationship between a husband and wife is like a stone. But the strange fact is, even stone carvings in places like Khajuraho are full of life and romantic splendour! This was the vision of our Rishis & Sages of India.
Harsh words are sure poison that spoils life. People’s skills are sure highways to success. .. .
Source: Oh! Life Relax, please – Swami Sukha Bodhananda.